And I'd give up forever to touch you. . .

"And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
all the moments of truth in your life
when everything feels like the movies
yeah you'd bleed just to know your alive."

It's almost the end of the week and i'm just so confused. Through my religion, it's telling me my feelings and thoughts are wrong. But through my heart, and my knowledge, it's telling me my feelings and thoughts are fine. I'm just so confused and on the topic, I can't tell anyone what I feel, because at the drop of a word, but heart falls like glass to the floor. I just want one person to come up to me one day, and tell me, what my heart feels right now, what's going to happen. Because I've never felt this way about something before. EVER. People might assume that it's teenage harmones, or i'm over exagerating, but truthfully, it's the feeling, i'm going to stick with the rest of my life. It'll be what I dream about until the day I die. It's that feeling when the cute guy in the romantic movie realizes he loves the girl and goes after her, with the loud music playing. The sad thing is i'm facing God on this. And it's hard. Because I want, he has. What he has, is someone else's. "But I just want you to know who I am."

"The Keys Are Like Your Fingers To Me."

Right now, i'm listening to very depressing, yet the most soothingest music in the world. It's that song, that you here when someone is dying in the end of the movie. Depressing, ey? Haha. It just makes me want to run and run until I find someone. That's all I think I want. Because to those girls, who've had tons of guys in there life, one after another, this is for you.

I had one guy, and when that failed, I coudn't pick myself back up. Now every night I lay wrapped up in a little ball on my bed, listening to sad music, hoping and praying i'll find a guy.
Yesterday, Miss Martin's talk is just really changing me, even though it's been not even a day, it still has a huge effect on me. I don't want to be 30 or 40 an unmarried. I guess i'm that girl who grew up believing in fairytales even though there weren't any around me except in a movie.

I don't know why, but I wish just one person would read this and in a million years they won't. Could it be bad to hope they would? Would it be bad if they did? I don't even know. I feel lame for even writing about this topic, but I guess all great writers, started from nothing, right? I'm kidding though, i'm not a great writer. In English, I FAIL, because I turn essays in late, and I know that annoys my teacher. He's probably thinking, "Why are you even in AP if you don't do anything?". But I love to write.

Writing is how I let out my expression, and this is totally off topic, so back to LOVE. I can name hundreds of movies with love in it. Actually, every movie has love, whether it be a couple in a horror movie, or "The Notebook". I think that, I could be fine, not being a professional singer or actress. If only I had love, someone to share my life with. I don't think i'm too young to think about this kind of stuff. If I came dream my wildest dreams, while I sleep, then why can't I when i'm awake? I believe that, the dreams you dream while your asleep are what you want. The only difference is, in your dream, you did the thing that scares you the most to get there.

I think love changes us all. I haven't been changed, and now I want to be. How can I believe, that i'll be his, when she's his?


1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful,

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."


A Walk To Remember, Love:

Landon: Jamie has faith in me. She makes me want to be different, better."


The Notebook, Love:

Allie: "Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it's too late."
Noah: "I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year."
Allie: "You wrote me?"
Noah: "Yes... It wasn't over, it still isn't over."
[kisses Allie]


The Time Travler's Wife, Love:

"There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love you. I have loved you. I will love."


Twilight, Love:

Edward: "I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."



To you.. the one who inspired me to write this, shall you never know who you are.

"Am I seen from Heaven above?"

I haven't written in awhile. I've gone through what someone ordinary would call "alot." I've gone to some auditions. I've gone through some scams. I've gone through rejection. But i'm happy. Ever since, like last Sunday, i think? I've been extremely happy. That NEVER happens. My friends are great. My family is great. Schools is, well great. I think i'm trying to figure myself to quick, but if I push myself, I can do this. Music and acting, is going good haha. But i've realized,
"Jesus Christ died for our sins."

So now, I'm going to boast in his praise. I'm going to honor him, in every step I take.

And I think you should too.

For now,
xoxo